


Connor Wins

by RhymePhile



Category: Angel: the Series, Law & Order: SVU, Lost, Oz (TV), Prison Break
Genre: Banter, Crossover, Dialogue-Only, Gen, Humor, Multiple Universe, Wordcount: 100-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-07-28
Updated: 2006-07-28
Packaged: 2017-10-10 21:23:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/104433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhymePhile/pseuds/RhymePhile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Angel</em>'s Wesley Wyndam-Pryce and Connor; <em>Lost</em>'s Jack Shephard; <em>SVU</em>'s Elliot Stabler; <em>Oz</em>'s Vern Schillinger; and <em>Prison Break</em>'s Michael Scofield get stuck on a broken-down subway car with no a/c and intermittent lighting when the subject of fathers comes up</p>
            </blockquote>





	Connor Wins

**Author's Note:**

>   
> [](http://viggofest.livejournal.com/profile)[**viggofest**](http://viggofest.livejournal.com/) wanted to see (deep breath) **_Angel_'s Wesley Wyndam-Pryce and Connor; _Lost_'s Jack Shephard; _SVU_'s Elliot Stabler; _Oz_'s Vern Schillinger; and _Prison Break_'s Michael Scofield** stuck on a broken-down subway car with no a/c and intermittent lighting when the subject of fathers comes up.

  
The A train came to a squealing stop at 42nd Street, and the passengers waiting on the sweltering platform squeezed their way inside. A garbled message was announced over the speakers, but of course no one paid attention.

The train lurched from the station and bobbed and swayed its way to the next stop at 34th Street. The flow of passengers came and went, and the doors chimed to signal they were closing. People pushed themselves into every available corner, most balancing themselves when they couldn't find a bar to hold onto.

The train slowed a bit as it rounded the curve that passed 23rd Street, then slowed further, then came to a stop. The lights flickered, people gasped, and the train went still.

The speaker came alive, the tinny voice mumbling and sputtering about "switching problems" and "thanks" and "patience."

There was an audible groan when the sound of the air conditioning could no longer be heard.

_Wesley_: Stay close, Connor. I'm responsible for you when Angel isn't around.

_Connor_: I can't believe Dad doesn't trust me to explore on my own.

_Wesley_: New York is quite different from LA, Connor. Besides, remember the last time you went off on your own?

_Connor_: I...

_Wesley_: (sternly) Sex with a demon that took on the visage of Cordelia? Rain of fire? Birth of a demi-goddess? End of the world, remember?

_Connor_: He never lets me have any fun.

_Elliot_: Everyone just stay calm. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure the MTA has everything under control.

_Vern_: Who put you in charge?

_Elliot_: Uh, the NYPD. I'm a detective.

_Jack_: And I'm a doctor. A doctor who specializes in miscosurgery, but I have so much talent I'm sure I can help anyone who needs it.

_Vern_: What about you?

_Wesley_: I'm a rogue demon hunter.

_Vern_: Not you, him.

_Jack_: I already said, I'm a doctor...

_Vern_: Not you, fuck-face. _That_ guy.

_Michael_: Me?

_Vern_: Yeah, you with the steely blue eyes lookin' at me. What the fuck you lookin' at?

_Michael_: I was just thinking that if I could file down the edge of that belt buckle you're wearing, and match it to one of the symbols tattooed on my arm, I might be able to open the doors...

_Elliot_: No one's going anywhere. The third rail is probably still charged with electricity.

_Jack_: Did you know death by electrocution actually occurs when parts of the heart die?

_Vern_: You should see some of _my_ tattoos, pretty boy.

_Elliot_: I really don't want to see any of your tattoos.

_Connor_: I wish I could get a tattoo.

_Vern_: I wasn't talking to _you_, hack.

_Wesley_: Your father would suck me dry.

_Jack_: You know when tattoos are most vibrant? After a second-degree burn when the outside of the epidermis sloughs off...

_Michael_: I thought he said he was a detective.

_Vern_: The kid's dad is a cocksucker?

_Elliot_: I _am_ a detective.

_Wesley_: Cocksucker? You'd have to ask Spike about that.

_Connor_: Who's Spike?

_Elliot_: I knew a guy named Spike in the Marines. He was with me when I got my tattoo.

_Vern_: Is it a heart with "Spike" inside it, _detective_?

_Connor_: You didn't answer my question.

_Elliot_: You didn't ask one, he did.

_Connor_: Not you, him.

_Michael_: I didn't say anything. I'm what they call laconic.

_Vern_: What the fuck kind of nationality is that?

_Wesley_: I'm not going to tell you about Spike. You can ask your father.

_Jack_: My father was a drunk.

_Elliot_: Mine too. And he beat me.

_Vern_: Mine too. And he beat me, and raised me to hate.

_Michael_: I don't remember much about my father. But my older brother tells me my father is the reason he's at the center of a conspiracy regarding the death of the vice-president's brother.

_Wesley_: My father was a pompous asshole who belittled and degraded me until I had no semblance of self-esteem left. Then he wanted to kill the girl I liked, so I shot him.

_Vern_: Fuck yeah!

_Elliot_: I have rage issues, but I haven't shot anyone. Yet. I did beat up a locker, though.

_Vern_: Pansy.

_Wesley_: When I shot him it turned out it wasn't my father at all, but an incredible ninja robot facsimile.

_Jack_: That's kind of like when I was seeing my father's ghost.

_Vern_: Robots and ghosts aren't the same thing, Doctor Fuckface.

_Connor_: Well, my father and mother were vampires, and my mother killed herself to have me. Then Wesley here thought my father was going to kill me, and kidnapped me. He got his throat cut for the trouble, and then my father ostracized him from all his friends because the man I thought was really my father took me into a hell dimension after Wesley lost me. When I got back, first I wanted to kill my father, but instead I had sex with the chick who was in love with my father, and then she became pregnant with this demon goddess who took over the world and shit.

_ALL_: Wow.

_Vern_: You win, kid.


End file.
